Ice cream you scream we all scream for ice cream 2

This week we ate some goody-goody gum drops ice cream and just like the other one it was amazing. We write out our draft and asked our buddy to give us some feed back. Then we did our final copy and cheeked our work. I am ultimately proud of what I have write right here. hope you enjoy.

DRAFT

The pastel green cream with the rainbow sweets touched the tip of my tongue I felt more alive than I ever have before. It felt as if my taste buds were dancing on top of my tongue. As the cold, lumpy mixture was going down my throat it sent shivers down my spine. When I finished the cup I wanted to march down to the dairy and by 25 more tub of goody-goody gumdrops ice cream. Even though I am in class I still am having a great time.

FEED BACK

Your sentence is great but always put more information about what was the ice felt when Mr Mitchell open the ice cream lid.

FINAL COPY

Mr Mitchell opened the lid And I could smell the minty sweet ice cream from hear. The pastel green cream with the rainbow sweets touched the tip of my tongue I felt way more alive than I ever have before. It felt as if my taste buds were dancing on top of my tongue. As the cold, lumpy mixture was going down my throat it sent shivers down my spine. When I finished the cup I wanted to march down to the dairy and by 25 more tub of goody-goody gumdrops ice cream. Even though I am in class I still am having the time of my life. I loved the minty flavoured ice mixture and the bumpy, sugar coated lollies in the middle. I LOVE IT!

Respect Writing

These past week we have been writing about how the Wallabies lost to the All Blacks but still showed

respect. We all got given the same photo but still got different outcomes. We all did a draft at the start and

made sure to cheek the punctuation. Then we got a buddy to cheek our work and give us feedback. After

that we moved onto our final copy. I love what I have done and am proud of myself for what I have

accomplished.

As the All Blacks shake hands with the Wallabies they look in each others eyes and say “Good game” to

each other. Even if they lost they will still stand tall and be proud of what they have accomplished. The

Wallabies are sad that they lost but are still showing respect by congratulating the All Blacks for winning

the game.

Ice cream you scream we all scream for ice cream

This week we are writing about ice cream. We got to eat vanilla ice cream and then we had to write about it. First we did a draft just to get feed back from our buddy. Then we completed our writing by doing the final copy. I am proud of my work and I know that I have done a great job.

DRAFT
The pastel green cream with the rainbow sweets touched the tip of my tongue I felt more alive than I ever have before. It felt as if my taste buds were dancing on top of my tongue. As the cold, lumpy mixture was going down my throat it sent shivers down my spine. When I finished the cup I wanted to march down to the dairy and by 25 more tub of goody-goody gumdrops ice cream. Even though I am in class I still am having a great time.

FEED BACK
Your sentence is great but always put more information about what was the ice felt when Mr Mitchell open the ice cream lid.

FINAL COPY
Mr Mitchell opened the lid And I could smell the minty sweet ice cream from hear. The pastel green cream with the rainbow sweets touched the tip of my tongue I felt way more alive than I ever have before. It felt as if my taste buds were dancing on top of my tongue. As the cold, lumpy mixture was going down my throat it sent shivers down my spine. When I finished the cup I wanted to march down to the dairy and by 25 more tub of goody-goody gumdrops ice cream. Even though I am in class I still am having the time of my life. I loved the minty flavoured ice mixture and the bumpy, sugar coated lollies in the middle. I LOVE IT!